I'm sitting here trying to figure out just what it is that is bumming me out. Why am I having such a hard time letting go?
Maybe I feel like I'm giving up before I've reached my full potential? Yes. I know I can do better. I really didn't push as hard as I possibly could for my PR at Donna. What if I could lose some weight and do way better? Like break the 6 hour mark? I feel like I'm giving up before I've really seen what I'm capable of.
Maybe I'll miss the awesome feeling of accomplishment when I cross the finish line? I don't think it is a feeling that someone who hasn't run a marathon can understand. The pride in my accomplishment, knowing that I pushed myself way beyond my comfort zone, knowing that only 0.5% of the U.S. population has ever run a marathon and I am part of that percentage. It is almost unexplainable but it's one of the best feelings I've ever experienced.
Maybe I'll miss the notoriety that comes when people know I am training to run a marathon? I'll be honest, I love the reaction I get from people when they hear I am training to run 26.2 miles. They are amazed that this overweight, middle aged mom is doing such a crazy thing. It's fun doing something that people don't envision me as able to do.
I'm pretty sure it's all of the above but mostly the first. I'm making the choice to be done for now but who knows what the future holds? For now, I'm going to focus on weight loss, cross training and half marathons. I have plenty of progress I can make in each of those areas. Maybe when I hit 50 I'll attempt another full. Who knows???
Hi Jules!
ReplyDeleteLoving the blog! Your feelings about your marathon decision are really striking a chord with me today. As you already know, I've gone into marathon retirement as well, and have decided to focus on halfs for the next few years while I lose some weight and gain some speed and concentrate on some other non-running areas of my life.
Love running with you and can't wait to hear more about your exploits, and really look forward to running with you again soon!
I need a "like" button, lol! Jenny, if we lose weight and gain speed at the same rate, we can still run halfs together :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm trying not to let this post make me think too hard. Honestly, I've never even thought about trying to figure out why it bugs me to not have 26.2 on the horizon, but like you, it does. In a very real way.
ReplyDeleteI try to label it as "pride" so that I can more easily excuse it away, but I think even pride has its place.
Ugh.
You guys made me cry. It's nice to know I'm not crazy and it's nice to know I'm not alone. Thanks.
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