Feeling Like a Failure

Life seems insanely busy these days and the more behind I get, the more like a failure I feel.

I have no idea how women who work full time do it all.  I should have an extra 10-15 hours a week over a mom who works full time yet I can't seem to find those hours. 

My list of shortcomings and failures grows daily.  For example:

1.  My poor kids eat Eggo Waffles every day for breakfast because I can't seem to find the time to cook anything healthy for them.  To make matters worse, they are on a chocolate chip waffle kick right now so I am essentially feeding them candy for breakfast.

2.  My poor kids do not end up with the healthiest of lunches at school.  Many days there are no fruits or vegetables present in their lunches at all.  Not unless you count fruit snacks or fruit roll-ups as a real fruit (for the record, I don't).  I did pack fresh blueberries in Caitlyn's lunch today.  I hope the lunch lady and teachers didn't have a heart attack.

3.  The nights I actually cook dinner during the week has dropped to maybe 50% of the time.  Some weeks I get 4 meals in and some weeks only 2 or 3.  It's not that I don't like to cook, I just can't seem to find the time to prepare everything while I am picking kids up from activities and running errands that had to wait until after work.

Ok, we've determined that my kids are malnourished and it's all my fault.  Goodness, I don't even want to continue.

4.  My bills get paid by the skin of my teeth.  They always get paid but it seems like when I finally have the time to tackle that BSOM (big stack of mail), things are almost due and I'm scrambling.

5.  My checkbook has not been balanced in more time than I will willingly admit to the world.  I'm quite embarrassed and this is most certainly the biggest undone thing in my life that brings me down. 

6.  My BSOCTF (big stack of crap to file) is about as big as it's ever been.  Really, this is inexcusable and I am horrified at how out of hand things are.  If I were to get audited right now, I would be in a big pile of doo-doo.  Fortunately, the only one who is effected by this one is myself. 

7.  Awana.  We currently have no commander for our Awana Club and it has left a large void.  Many things are undone, club starts in 3 weeks and for some reason, people are looking to me to know what to do and to get it done.  Like I have time on top of everything else.  Ugh.

8.  Running.  Or lack thereof.  It is getting dark earlier and I have been so busy that I haven't been walking or running hardly at all.  I know it would be a huge stress relief if I could work it in but I'm not sure how these days.

9.  Weight Watchers.  I fell off the wagon bad.  It was going great for a few weeks and then I blew it again and again and again and then I gave up.  I did start back up today but it's only been 1 day so it's too early to tell if I will be strong enough to make it stick this time.

10.  Housecleaning.  Ok, many people would say that my house is clean.  It's not clean to my standards though and this weighs heavy on me.  Why can I not keep a clean house anymore?  The standard of "company clean" has been significantly lowered in recent years.  Mostly because I've been making my kids pitch in and help out.  Not because I'm lazy but because it's my job to teach them how to do these things.  It takes much self control on my part to not go re-do things when they do a lousy job the first time around.

So there you have it.  Much of my dirty laundry aired out in public (yes, pun intended).  Laundry is another thing I can't seem to keep up with.  My family needs to stop wearing clothes but I digress.  I know that if I read this list as if it were someone else and not myself, first I would judge their lack of discipline and then I would come up with a solution to each and every point.  The thing is, I know much of this can be fixed with better planning and self discipline yet I can't seem to do it.  There are many things that I do well but that's not what this post is about.  Let's just say that much of the time I have is taken up by the things that I am getting done. 

Ahh well, I just wasted how much time writing this post when I could have been getting something on the above list done...